a record of observation

This past week has been a parade of past loves back into my life. Most people might take that as good or bad depending on how their last ones ended.. but for me, this was about facing the demons. For a long time I have realized that there is something different about me and the people in my life. Call it cyclical if you want, but it seems that sooner or later, almost anyone that I have been involved with reappear in my life. This week alone(I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the full moon) I spoke/saw/cammed with two men who changed my life last year, but whom I had not seen or really spoken with since May/June last year. In the same week! Both are now in relationships which they have had for about the same length of time (around a year or a bit over), both were very intensely felt relationships when they were in my life, and both whom are around the same age (23,25).

It seems odd to me that I would see or hear from either of these men ever again, given past circumstances, but then again I don't really know that I understood their reasons for leaving in the first place... but that is neither here nor there. By the nature of attraction, physiology, chemistry, of course I still felt the draw. Last night as I was sitting at home watching the Discovery Channel, I came upon a documentary about sexual attraction. ( I am giant nerd, and anything about connections is completely fascinating to me.) Over the course of the show, they outlined numerous experiments both social and scientific that they performed trying to understand the base instincts that drive attraction. There was a whole lot of talk about Dopamine, Serotonin, endorphins.. blah blah blah... but what they found is that by nature of our reasoning and physical interaction, our bodies tend to choose those who have a certain make up of attributes. So that got me to thinking about the guys that I am attracted to...

If you ever went to a bar with me, you might notice that there is a pretty noticeable consistency to the men I am attracted to: Tall, Blue-eyed, fit build, med-low to deep voice, maybe drives a motorcycle or a bad ass car, confident, affectionate. The rest is just details.

Which brings me back to Boy 1 and Boy 2. I have gone over and over in my head what would make these gents wander from the wonderful women they share beds with consistently, and what I have come up with is this:

• Men who are near an age between 20-30 and who are in functional, intimate relationships are going to struggle with the stability of their situation if they feel like it may be the last they will have. ( this is all generality, of course there are those who run toward commitment, in which case, they do not apply.)
• No matter the love they feel for the person they are with, they will look at others when they begin to feel stuck.
• No man WANTS to make a definitive commitment because he doesn't want to lose the freedom of choice in his own life. The burden of obligation is less appealing than the promise of freedom.
• Most men will not choose monogamy unless forced by circumstance or coercion. there is a larger percentage of the married male population who ended up in that place by accidental pregnancies; pressure from family, faith, or significant other; and finally they may end up resenting their situation because of the circumstances under which it came to be.

SO that makes me wonder... why do I end up being the distraction for men that are in this predicament? This is where the science comes in... People that we are attracted to, will always be attractive as long as they meet the biological, emotional, and chemical needs we are seeking. In short, we really can't help who we love.