Life goes along till it doesn't anymore. There is little rhyme or reason why things happen in the timing that they do; but they do happen often when we least expect it.
It's such a cliche love story of the boy who meets the girl under the awning in the rain. They bump shoulders in their rush and slowly their eyes meet. One can almost hear the corny symphonic chords over which the seemingly infatuated strangers exchange their first words: "Excuse me.""Forgive me, that rain came out of no where." (COME ON! Even when black and white movies were made they could still have an idea that is was going to rain. Otherwise, why else would they be wearing a rain coat and carrying an umbrella? FASCINATING.) All "romance" aside, how does a chance meeting under a tree/awning/staircase make for any kind of actual love? The movie producers and smut authors have been filling our heads with ideas about what it should look like when we fall in love. The perfectly quaffed hair, and impeccable charm and whit presented with a perfect smile. If it really was as simple as stepping into a coincidentally "romantic" situation, I would have been married to some stranger years ago and been living in a world of fantasy.
I've wondered a lot about the true state of happiness of those who rush into marriage or a relationship with someone. I realize that for most people matters of the heart are better left to "fate" and "chance," but where is the consideration in that? Now, I won't pretend that I'm completely immune to some of the prescribed nonsense when it comes to love, but I would hope that by now that I have learned that someone worth my love is still going to have flaws and things about them that I don't like. I've been told it's all about managing expectations. I'm far enough in life now that the first wave of marriages have happened, and now we have entered the time when couples who have only been together a year or so are ending their marriages. Divorced at 24. How does that happen? Did they miss the memo that it takes work and mutuality to make a relationship really last? Could it have been prevented if they had done something different? It doesn't make sense to blame them for their choices entirely, especially given the environment in which some of these relationships started. The euphoria of holding hands walking across campus, sneaking into campus apartments, and being that couple that exemplified what it meant to be committed to each other. The spectacle is done. There isn't an audience anymore, there is just each other, and what's left doesn't sustain their individual wants and needs.
What they wanted wasn't real. At least not real in the sense that they could make it happen with their current arrangement. The happiness they had wasn't real.
BUT.. and there is a but to this story.... because their has to be a way it can be REAL and SUCCEED....
The love stories that I have seen succeed weren't the ones where there was no conflict, no expectation. It was the ones that continue to grow and change. It's the ones that take the time to understand how their relationship works. It's the ones that make it priority to understand what is needed for each and from each for it to be equally satisfying. Candid conversations about uncomfortable topics, unfettered loyalty, and confident assurance that what they bring to the pair is more than enough to make it fruitful. To me, that's what real love looks like. Not really glamorous or obscenely romantic, but it's real. It doesn't look the same for everyone one, so it hard to name it one thing. So I guess for now, it will be the same kind of inconsistency which makes the real love stories that last.
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